I feel the need to please, whether it is those around me or
complete strangers. I find that I only want to present the very best version of
myself and if I am complete honest, I really like that version of myself. It is
a fake, engineered version of the person I think I should be instead of the
wacky, mental, mostly weird person I know myself to be.
Here lies my problem.
My creative work suffers from my lack of confidence to show
off my crazy beauty. I stick to safe. The same. The norm. Copying the flow of
other because that seems to be acceptable, and although we are all different,
we crave that acceptance.
Yet I don’t feel like myself anymore. I love to write, but
when I start a new blog post I feel my outer-shell tighten up around me, suffocating
my true voice. I fear myself because I am not normal. I am proud of all the
things that make me unique, but fear that people won’t accept me for them. It
is silly really. To be afraid of oneself. Maybe it is more fear of what would
happen if I took that first tip-toe into the sunlight and embraced the warmth.
I don’t know.
I hope this is a fresh beginning for me. Not just in
blogging, but in all other aspects of my life. I think it is time to start
living now and put my fear back where they belong.
I think it is time to begin.
