Stop underestimate yourself.

Haven’t we all been told that we can achieve anything if we put our minds to it, that the world is our oyster, the sky’s the limit. Yet somehow I find myself thinking that it is not. What if this is as good as it gets? What if this is all we can expect from our short time upon the earth. Our hope, dreams, goals for the future, nothing more than empty, delusional thoughts. What if this is it?

As a hopeless dreamer I have big and bright plans for my future, yet as each day forms into another month I find that nothing changes. I feel like I squander my youth because I was never willing to take the risk, I was complete afraid of changes. I would scare myself into believing I wasn’t good enough or never be anything more than what I had become. People always talk about following your dreams and that nothing is impossible, but it can be. I feel it can be. I awake everyday hating the fact that I am like this, hating myself for being stuck. By midday I would have come up with a plan of action on how I can change my life around, on how I can final be freed from iron barred cage. When final I lay my head down to sleep I feel good, feel positive as if I can take on the world and awake like a phoenix’s from the ashes. When my eyes close however, I begin to hate myself again, because I know it would never be true.

Lack of confidence in yourself is easily done, when you have no confidence to start with. Always second guessing every move. Does this dress look good on me, will my friends hate it, will they talk about it when I am not in the room, what we people walking by think, I can already guess what they are saying about me. The voice in my head drive me insane and seem to never stop they endless torture, it is as if I have bullies in my head or something.

Then there is guilt. So much guilt. I feel like slapping myself all the time for being so stupid with my thought. I am so lucky, lucky that I now and more than I am grateful for. I live in a house, in a pretty safe country, I have a job, I can buy food, clothes, anything really. I go on trips, shopping trips with my friend, nights out with the girls, and laugh over a few cocktails at the trendy bar and pay way too much on dinner. All of it taking for granted because we don’t know any different.  The earth cries every day for the lives that it loses each day, people die every day, right now, this very second someone will die. Someone will feel the bitter sting of that death for days, months, years to come. I feel that loss weighing down my heart, it makes me want to cry right now to think about it. All the hurt and pain and suffering in the world and yet some people think they are having a bad day when they can’t get a good Wi-Fi signal. We live in a screwed up world.